Warning signs were blaring, screaming five alarm fire, but being a typical runner I was pretty used to blocking pain and wasn’t paying attention. Training for my next marathon had me running quite a few miles but that’s not why it happened. Running at lunchtime lets me get away from the office and de-stress from the pressures of work.
This time, I knew better. I should have.
I was severely fatigued from many long runs. My calves were very tight. I should have gone for a massage instead. But mentally, a run is so much better so I decided it will be ok. It wasn’t. Right from the start my calves, especially the right one was not feeling good but I pressed on. Then, the dreaded piercing pain that felt like I got shot in the back of my calf ended my run. I hobbled to my physical therapist’s office in agony. He examined and massaged my calf, then told me to stay off it for at least two weeks. I called him crazy and decided it won’t be that long. I was wrong. A week after the injury I thought I could run again only to re-injure that same spot and added another one. Frustrated I realized I needed to be more careful so I waited two more weeks. At that point I had it tested to make sure everything healed and they said it looked good so I attempted a short slow run. The calf held up but at the end of that run my hamstring seized like crazy. I thought it was nothing that a good stretching and massage can’t fix so the next day I attempted to run again but this time I felt my hamstring seizing so bad and pulling at my calf that it re-injured an already barely healed spot.
Disgusted with the whole experience and feeling pretty defeated I knew I needed to focus on recovery and other forms of exercise. What came next was a mixed bag of hope and hopelessness. I would feel positive one day, then I’d want to throw my sneakers out the window the next . Of course I cross trained but nothing can substitute running. Nothing. NOTHING! Ugh! It was definitely dangerous to be around me those days(weeks!). Common sense was telling me that these things heal and it will be ok eventually but it seemed to take too long. Patience is not one of my virtues.
One of the most challenging things for me was to continue faithfully rehabbing all my injured muscles. Day in and day out. And that’s when I realized what makes a real warrior. It’s not when you’re physically strong, running fast and hitting PRs. No, it’s when you’re down, way down, but every day you continue to pick yourself up and with renewed hope do the necessary and sometimes painful rehab exercises. For a long time it felt like nothing was budging. Same pain, same discomfort, same emotional agony. Hope was hanging by a hair and switching back and forth from despair. When I finally got clearance to run it was one of the most scariest moments in my fitness life. I got ready and walked outside but then I just continued walking, scared to run, scared to feel the pain and disappointment again. Finally I took a few deep breathes and nudged myself on. It felt a little weird and awkward but not completely horrible. I ran a couple of miles and decided that was good enough for now. Proud of myself for conquering my fears and relieved that the run didn’t cause any additional issues, I continued my rehab but this time with a stronger hope. A few runs later and it finally started to feel like nothing happened.
But something did happen.
These types of experiences change your character. You are not the same after this. For one, I have a renewed appreciation for my ability to run. I don’t think I’ll ever take it for granted nor will I ever complain about it being too hot or too cold or whatever. Being able to go out there and run whenever my heart desires is the best feeling in the world. And it has nothing to do with any kind of races. If I never do another race again, I wouldn’t care. I was born to run. Just run. Thank God that He gave it back to me.
P.S. I healed stronger physically and emotionally and then ran the same race I was training for with a new personal best